Unrequited?
by Elpin
Summary: One Shot RemusSirius Slash. Sirius tells his friends he's gay. Remus starts avoiding him. Over the summer something changes. Crap title, crap summary. The first fic I ever wrote a long time ago.


**Warning**: mild slash.

**Disclaimer**: JKR is the goddess of Harry Potter. I'm just playing around.

**Note:** This was my VERY FIRST Harry Potter fanfiction. Which means it's not very good. It's short and rushed, but I found it one day on my computer and I didn't have the heart to not post it. It's full of clichés and totally unoriginal. Anyway… Puppy Love Forever!!!!!

-:-

The wind was blowing hard, even for October, and occasionally the sound of thunder could be heard. The Common Room in the Gryffindor Tower was almost empty, except for four boys, around fifteen years old, all sitting close to the blazing fire. Three of them were watching the one who was standing.

Sirius Black had decided during the summer that we has going to tell his friends of his sexual preference, but it had taken some time for him to build up the courage. James he knew would not mind, but he was unsure of the others. He was especially worried what Remus would say. He became sick to his stomach when he thought that his revelation would damage his friendship with Remus. He couldn't look at him now, because he was afraid he would betray more than he intended to.

"Oki… so… I'm just going to come out with this. I'm gay." He looked at James first, who seemed to be considering. The thunder sounded again, making Sirius jump a little inside. James was holding in chin, and looking very thoughtful.

"Well," he said finally as he got up. "I've always said to each his own."

"No you haven't"

"Well, I just did. Anyway I was worried that you could be fancying Lily, so this is actually a great relief." He softly punched Sirius in the shoulder. Sirius could tell James was surprised, and perhaps even uncomfortable, but he was working through it, which could only be a good thing. Next he looked at Peter, who nodded his agreement, and then Sirius finally let his eyes glide over to Remus, like they had so many times over the last year. Remus was looking down at his book, but his eyes were not moving down the page, something they usually did very rapidly.

"Moony?" Remus seemed to wake at this, but he didn't look up.

"I- I don't care. Like James said… do what you want."

"Moony-"

"It's all the same to me," he said more forcefully as he slammed his book shut, got up and strode out of the room, not up to the dormitories, but out the portrait-hole. Sirius looked absolutely miserable as he watched him go. It was as he had feared. Both Sirius' and Remus' families were very conservative, but Sirius had a feeling that Remus was more easily swayed by them than him. He felt James' hand on his shoulder.

"He'll come around. At least he didn't come out against it directly. Maybe he really won't care after a while." Sirius nodded, but wasn't very convinced. They all went silently to bed, but only James and Peter slept.

Sirius lay in bed for hours without sleeping, and without hearing Remus come in. Finally he could stand it no longer, and he quietly got out of bed and went downstairs. There he found Remus, sitting in front of the fire as if he had never left, as if nothing had been said. Sirius managed to walk right up beside him without being heard. At first he thought Remus was reading, but again his eyes were not moving. He was staring into space, deep in thought.

"Moony-" Remus almost jumped out of his skin as he scrambled to his feet, even though Sirius had just whispered the name. They stood about one arm-length apart, locked in each other's gaze. "I'm sorry if I upset you-"

"I said I don't care!" Remus voice was pleading, but his eyes stayed locked on Sirius'. There was nothing more Sirius wanted to do right now than to say something to make Remus smile. He couldn't bear to see him upset, even for a moment, and especially not at him. His heart could almost be heard breaking.

"I hope you don't, but then again I hope you do." Remus raised his eyebrows ever so slightly. Sirius hadn't meant to say that. He wanted Remus to care because he always hoped, somehow, considering Remus had never gone out with a girl… but he checked his thoughts. He straightened himself a little. "I hope you care enough for it not to affect our friendship." Remus finally looked away, down at the fire to his right.

"I… don't… care." Sirius hoped to God that Remus hadn't meant in the way he feared, but something told him that Remus had meant it exactly that way. His heart was in a million pieces.

"Then… there's something I have to do. Because if this really is the end of our friendship, then… well I just have to know how it feels." He didn't stop to let Remus to ask the question that was on his lips. He quickly closed the gap between them, putting his hand around Remus' neck and cupping the back of his head. Then he planted a kiss. His mind had been blank the whole time. He had moved mechanically, and had only planned to make it the smallest of kisses, expecting to be pushed away immediately. But something was happening. The kiss had been going on for several seconds, getting deeper and more passionate. Sirius' other hand had gone around Remus' waist. The situation dawned on him: _Remus was kissing him back!_ A thousand emotions and thoughts rushed through him. Could his dreams have come true, or was he dreaming now? Soon, however, nothing else mattered than the fact that he was holding Remus, and Remus wasn't repulsed, wasn't backing away in disgust. Slowly without really thinking about it, Sirius slipped his tongue into Remus' mouth. Suddenly Remus jumped back, pushing Sirius away hard. A look of utter shock on his face, but perhaps more directed at himself than anyone else.

"What did you do!?"

"I think I was kissing you… and I think you were kissing me back."

"You- crazy… No," Remus was stuttering, shaking his head and looking about him as if looking for an escape. He started for the portrait-hole, but Sirius followed and grabbed his hand.

"Moony, it's ok."

"No!" Remus pulled himself free, then he pointed his finger accusingly at Sirius. "Stay away from me Sirius. Don't touch me." And with that he ran out of the Common Room.

Sirius stood completely still, for how long he didn't know, for he had lost all sense of time. It must have been morning, because James and Peter came down after a while.

"Hey… what are you doing up? And why did you come down without getting dressed?" No answer. "Hey! You're still in your pyjamas!" This roused Sirius and he focused on James.

"Right. Wait for me. I'll be right down." And he ran back up to the dormitory.

"Be quick about it! I'm hungry" James shouted after him.

When they finally got down to breakfast Sirius' heart was in an uproar. His mind considered every possible means of getting Remus to forgive him, while at the same time trying to figure out exactly what had happened. When they reached their usual seats Remus was sitting were he usually sat, eating and reading a book, as usual. Sirius couldn't imagine how Remus could appear so normal after their kiss. He felt he could do anything except act normally, and he really wanted to do something, anything. When they sat down Remus looked up and smiled, actually smiled.

"What took you so long?" They all sat down while good mornings were being exchanged. Sirius decided to jump in.

"Morning, Remus."

"Morning Sirius" He was amazed at the ease with which he said it, but noted that Remus did not look at him. In fact, although Remus did speak and act normally all day, he never looked at Sirius, and so the others never suspected that anything out of the ordinary had happened between the two. But Sirius wasn't to be fooled. All day he tried to get Remus alone, but it wasn't easy, and Remus was obviously aware of Sirius' attempts, and did everything to keep away.

Remus, incredibly enough, managed avoid being alone with Sirius for several months. When Sirius became desperate he decided to outright ask to speak with him alone, but Remus always had a ready excuse. Desperation was really beginning to set in. What was even more frustrating is that no one else seemed to notice that they technically weren't friends anymore. Remus hadn't looked Sirius in the eyes since the incident. The whole school year went by without anything being said about it. When summer finally came Sirius had almost given up. He still loved Remus, but in some way he was glad to get a break from seeing him every day. Maybe he would get over him during the summer. Sirius was very scared when he found out he was actually looking forward to going home.

The hustle and bustle of the Kings Cross station was a welcomed sound to Remus. He had been dreading Sirius would finally speak on the journey home, even in front of James and Peter, but he hadn't to Remus' great relief. The Incident as he referred to it in his mind was, instead of fading away in his memory, was more often in his thoughts than ever. He had thought it was just a phase, like his mother had told him last summer. Like she had always told him, over and over until it was all he could hear. He couldn't bear the thought of disappointing her more. The monster inside him was quite enough for her nerves.

"Remus!" The high-pitched voice of his father came to him over the crowd. He pushed towards it. Their greeting was a short shake of the hand and his father commenting on his growth. The journey home was spent in silence, as if in anticipation of what would await them at home.

And sure enough the moment he entered the house his mother was on him, fussing as usual about everything and nothing. Remus didn't have a moment peace until he was finally in his room getting ready for bed. He sat on his bed, thinking of everything that had happened. Every look Sirius had given him, every desperate plea for a private meeting. The effort of acting normal was hard for Remus, and had only been accomplished by refusing to let himself look at Sirius. The voice of Sirius had been more than enough however to get him thinking of those lips, and that sweet embrace. He cursed himself. He gave up. He finally let it all go, and cried. _Why me?_ He thought hopelessly. _Couldn't he be normal in any aspect of his life?_

"Remus?" His head shot up to see his father standing looking in from the hallway. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Remus choked out. But he really wanted to scream. His father came in, obviously not convinced. He sat down on the bed, and put an arm around his son.

"Now Remus. Despite what your mother might think appropriate, you can _always_ talk to me about anything. Even subjects _she_ wouldn't want us talking about. I'm sorry that I don't tell you this more often, son, but it's true." The words comforted Remus, but he wasn't going to tell his father anything, ever. "Please, son… or do you want me to guess?" When no answer was forthcoming he continued. "Well, I don't think it's got anything to do with your condition. You're far too strong for that. No, I think this must be the age-old question of romance." Remus stiffened slightly at the same time as his heart skipped a beat. He didn't want his father going on about some girl that was suppose to be giving him a hard time. "And I also think it might be due to… a boy." His father turned to him and looked into his eyes. Remus wasn't sure if he had heard right. "Now, son. Don't think because your mother thought it just a phase that I do. I'm sorry I let your mother handle so much of your upbringing, but she was just so desperate to keep everything else normal. And I-" His voice failed him, but he gave his son a great big hug, which said it all. Remus couldn't really believe what he was hearing. Ever since his mother had caught him kissing the boy down the street he had thought… but he didn't care anymore. He was still unsure, but his doubts were melting away as his father hugged him. He heard him whisper "I love you no matter what." And "I'm sorry" over and over again.

"Now," his father said, straightening up and coughing. "Tell me what the problem is. And tell me everything. I promise it will make you fell better. No judgement, just listening from me… but I must still insist we not tell your mother. You know how she is. She has her ways, but we must love her regardless." The idea of there being something wrong with his mother instead of him gave him a strange sensation of relief. And the words just started flowing. He told his father everything. His infatuation for Sirius the first years, which had gradually grown to love, and even the kiss, which he couldn't speak of without blushing, but still he kept going. When he was finished rambling on about the months after and his anger at himself for saying such horrible things to Sirius, and his despair at being unable to come clean even to himself. His father listened without comment. When all was finished Mr. Lupin again put his arm around his son shoulder.

"I think the only way to resolve this is simply to do as you have done now. Tell Sirius everything. He will understand. From what you've told me I can only imagine that he's in love with you still." And that was the last that he said on the subject. But it was more than enough. And the rest of the summer passed in quiet contemplation of what was to be done. Remus on how he could tell Sirius, and Mr. Lupin on how to reconcile his wife to this new development.

The excitement of going back at school filled every student as the train finally slipped out of the station. Remus was sitting in an empty compartment, thinking about all the things he needed to say. As the door slid open Remus stood up, but it was only Peter. James and Sirius arrived a few moments later. And Remus found it impossible to look Sirius in the eye. It had become second nature to him to avoid revealing anything to Sirius, and now when he wanted most to reveal it all, he couldn't. _Sirius must despise me now. _

Sirius met James at the station. The summer had been as horrible as always in the Black house. He had almost run away, but decided that the arguments with his family were the only thing that could keep his mind off someone else. _Remus_. If anything his desire to return to the way things were had grown considerably over the summer, and so had his love.

When they finally found their way to the compartment Peter and Remus were sitting Sirius' heart was in his throat. They entered casually and exchanged greetings.

"Hey, Remus" He was on the edge of his seat. His eyes burned into Remus' head, willing him to look at him.

"Hey, Sirius." Nothing, not a glance. He was looking out the window. Sirius thought he saw something sad in the reflection. He had grown over the summer. He was now more magnificent than ever and Sirius could barely keep his eyes off him the entire trip, but by the end he was as depressed as he had been the last time he had seen Remus. Not one look. James noticed the tension. He always had, but had contributed it to Remus not being comfortable around Sirius. He had hoped that would have passed over the summer. If things didn't get better soon, he would have to take action.

The first weeks of school were torture for Sirius. He didn't know what to do. He was, for lack of a better term, heart-sick and completely in love. It was soon another full moon. The three, Sirius, James and Peter kept the werewolf company like always. The next day Sirius and James were sitting in the Room of Requirement, the place they usually sneaked off to do their homework. Suddenly in the middle of the page Sirius shut his book and looked at James.

"Where's Peter?"

"In the hospital wing. Didn't you wonder why he was suddenly excused in Care of Magical Creatures?" James answered without looking up.

"James… when Remus gets here… can you make up an excuse and leave… quickly?" James shut his book and looked at Sirius.

"Finally decided to confront him have you? Good call. You guys need to clear the air."

"It's not just that, James," Sirius sighed, but then regretted it. James didn't need to know how he felt. It served no purpose just now. "So, will you do it?"

"Sure. Anything to get you guys back to normal." Just then the door opened and Remus stepped in.

"'Lo" he said and sat down on one of the many very large pillows. James nodded to Sirius and got up.

"I just forgot. Something. Back in my room." He smiled, pleased with himself for his creativity. Sirius just shook his head. Ten seconds later, they were completely alone, the first time since the incident. Remus was looking exactly like he had that night. Sirius fancied even the book was the same. Several times he tried to break the silence, but he didn't want to drive Remus away. Just sitting there was enough.

"Sirius." Startled Sirius at first didn't realize it had been Remus who had addressed him. He hadn't done that for so long.

"Yes?" He said hopefully.

"I know you must hate me, but-" Remus' voice died away. Sirius couldn't help himself. He reached out and lifted Remus' chin so that he could finally look straight into those perfect hazel eyes. And they looked back, brimming with tears.

"But why are you crying? I could never hate you, ever." He said forcefully, though as kindly as possible. Remus' tears confused him, but at the same time he would do anything to stop them. He wanted to see Remus smile. He was suddenly very aware how close they were, and how moist Remus' lips were. He wanted desperately to kiss them, but he didn't want to make the same mistake twice. And yet he found himself falling steadily closer to them. He sensed Remus close his eyes. In disgust perhaps? But it was too late. Sirius was kissing Remus once again. And again he felt no resistance. This enticed him even further and he gently pushed Remus backwards. Soon he was lying on top of him and his tongue was in his mouth and his whole body was on fire. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet. Sirius heard a moan of sorts, and interpreted it as Remus crying out. He realized he might he pinning him down. How could he be so stupid? How could he possibly think this was what Remus wanted? And here he was, practically raping him. He was off him in a second, sitting on his knees beside Remus, who just lay there as if stunned.

"God, Moony. I-" Tears were now in Sirius' eyes.

"God, Padfoot… I'm completely in love with you." Sirius' eyed widened in surprise. He leaned over to look properly at his love. Remus looked back, eyes full of sorrow and hope. His lips formed the words "I'm sorry." Then he reached out and stroked Sirius' cheek. Sirius shook his head in disbelief. Then, as if propelled by unseen forces, he dived into another passionate kiss, and this time Remus didn't stay stiff. Their hands went everywhere in a rush of desire.

After a period that seemed to go on for eternity, but at the same time felt as if it was over in a second, the two released each other and just lay on the soft pillow, staring up at the ceiling.

"Moony."

"Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think I want to tell you everything." And he did. And for a long time Sirius only listened, and that was just what Remus needed.

-:-

Well, there it is. Wonder how long ago I actually wrote that. Must be years. Please tell me what you think!!!! Even if you hated it… I've never gotten a flame. I admit I'm curious.


End file.
